Art of War
by Miranda2716
Summary: Danielle struggles to come to terms with her feelings towards her partner, Don. Will she accept him and allow herself a second chance despite her traumatic past or will she let this opportunity pass her by? One-Shot/AU/OC/Don F.


I never thought this would happen to me. I have always kept myself at bay and my feelings as well. They were something that were precious to me. It kept me sane. I have always known what to do. But in this case I was at a complete loss. Well, my heart knew exactly what it wanted, but my head refused to reason with my heart.

I've done what others around me have longed feared, I shut off and in the process I pushed the people that cared about me as well, especially Don.

_Don_

My heart broke for him. His pain was my pain. I knew that. _We _knew that. Too many things had happened between us for us to continue ignoring it. Our connection was undeniable, he clearly brought out the best in me. But what did I do when he expressed his feelings for me? Instead of accepting his feelings and telling him I felt the exact same way. I pushed him away and I told him to leave. I could still close my eyes and see his pained expression, he clearly was not expecting that type of reaction, hell I wasn't either.

Nothing could have prepared us for my impending breakdown. Actions that I did after he confessed his feelings were inexcusable, but at the time they seemed like the appropiate thing to do. I_ had_ to leave. I needed to think and process everything. The last six months. My feelings toward my partner. My past lingering in the shadows...

The nightmares were back.

I knew perfectly well that it was wrong, that even if I left it would not change the fact that I to deal with this soon. At that moment I chose to deal with everything later.

Boy, was I the biggest fucking idiot on Earth.

That Monday I avoided everyone. I had too much to deal with and with the lack of sleep from the previous night, I was on the verge of a meltdown and I didn't want to take it out on anyone. This was my own burden to deal with. No one elses.

But I was not prepared mentally to talk to my boss, Lt. Morrison. He knew far too well, having been the one to not only take me under his wing and prepare me early on about having a male detective as a partner. Morrison was glad that Don and I developed a good relationship, but he would occasionally warn me about keeping my feelings checked, to remember and think about what would happen. It was undoubtedly true, beginning a relationship with my partner would mean trouble. But he couldn't trust my stubborn heart to listen.

At that precise moment to talk to Mac. I tried to obscure the truth with a lie, but he was smarter than I gave him credit for. He knew it was because of Don. I saw it in his eyes, he knew. And I was still lying to someone that I was suppose to trust and confide in. But he was understanding, told me to go to not worry about work that he would respond for me but that I had some serious explaining to do once I was back. I agreed and thanked him.

As I turned to leave, Mac told me that running away never solves anything. It only prolongs the issue. That I had to be honest to Don and myself, that it was not fair for neither of us to be falling apart. I knew it wasn't fair, I wanted nothing more than go to Don's arms and tell him that I felt the same way, that we could make us work - confront every obstacle.

I promised to do that as soon as I was back, I hugged him surprising him a bit and thanked him again.

As soon as I got home, I bought my ticket. I was lucky to find a mid afternoon flight for the following day.

I was sure my parents were going to be surprised, but I knew my mother would not be fooled, she would go right to the root of the problem and try to decypher what was bothering me.

The rest of the night was torture, I was sure this was Gods way of punishing me for being a horrible person. I was restless. I kept pacing around my apartment trying to keep myself busy as the night transformed into early morning. By 6 am, my apartment was spotless, my bookshelf was rearranged by the Author's last name, my clothes were washed and my fridge was free of any items that were sure to spoil while I was away.

It was only when I took a moment to relax that the thoughts came back. I closed my eyes for a moment and I was immediately bombarded with images from Don. His eyes, those blue irises were filled with nothing but pain. Pain that I caused because of my fear of giving myself a second chance.

The rest of that Tuesday was like a film. I showered. Got dressed. Checked that I had all the important documents ready and that my phone was shut off. Hailed a cab to JFK and for the next 3 and a half hours I was listening to music trying to relax. When I set foot on Chicago soil, I felt like the weight I had been carrying the last three days subsided. I almost, _almost_ felt calm, but my heart hurt. The disconnection I felt intensified tenfold. I almost went back to the airport and bought a ticket back to New York.

Needless to say, my parents were elated to see me, but my mother just got right down to business when we were alone. I poured my heart out to her, she held me as I cried. The cloud of confusion was slowly drifting and she came to a startling conclusion that I had yet to get comfortable with.

_Love. I was in love with Don_

It was something that I had refused to believe until at that moment that my mother said those words out loud and they were a constant ring in my head.

_Sweetie, you're in love and until you accept it and take a leap of faith you will continue to hurt one another… _

I didn't realize how true her words were until I was in bed that night relaying our conversation. Sleep was scarce and I felt shittier as the days progressed. By Friday, I couldn't take it anymore. I was exhausted physically and mentally drained. I _had _to go home. I _had_ to see him. Hearing his voice wouldn't be enough. Part of the reason I avoided my phone was to keep from calling him.

Which brought me to the present, I was back in New York, it was 8 o'clock and I was on a cab back home, drifting in and out of sleep. I never wanted to be in a bed as bad as now. The fierce halt of the cab jolted me awake. I paid my fare and thanked the cab driver.

I walked slowly to my building and I stopped dead on my tracks when I saw Don sitting at the stairs. His head was on his hands and he was mumbling something to himself, his hair look unkempt, and he had a scruff. I closed the distance between us and reached out to touch his hand. It still surprised me that I could touch him and instead of feeling uneasy, I was welcomed with a warming tingling sensation one I knew I would never grow tired of.

His head jerked up and he let out a relieved sigh and gave me a small smile. At that moment my heart resumed its beating. He took my hand in his and squeezed it and I returned the smile. He stood up and pulled me to him. Wrapping his arms around me and I instinctively wrapped my arms around his waist.

Time immediately stilled and it was just us. Every one else seized to exist. I knew than what a big mistake I had made by leaving. It had been selfish, I should have thought more about it. I was very fucking stupid.

I let out an involuntary sob and Don tightened his hold on me as I cried. I didn't even notice he sat down and had sat me on his lap. I buried myself on his chest crying for hurting him and making him worry about me, when all he wanted was to do was be with me. Minutes passed but they seemed like hours, my tears eventually subsided and I felt better. I was fucking exhausted, but I felt much better now that I was with him. My head was still resting on his chest and he was still drawing circles on my back.

"I'm sorry," I whispered softly.

His hands stilled and I raised my head to look at him. His hold on my waist tightened, "I was worried about you when I didn't see you at your desk on Monday," he began softly, "when 12 came and you weren't there. I tried your phone but it went straight to voice mail." he sighed and put his head down, "I called you three separate times and you didn't answer. The same thing happened Tuesday when I called you. I began to suspect that I was responsible for causing this, if I had only kept my mouth shut, you wouldn't have left." he said looking up at me.

I opened my mouth to protest but he shook his head, "I need to tell you this, Danielle. Please," he silently begged. I sighed and nodded.

He took a deep breath and withdrew it slowly, "I asked Adam and Messer if you had gotten in contact with them but when they said no, I was in full panic mode. They tried to get me to talk to them about what had happened between us, but I wasn't listening anymore. I refused to believe that you had completely shut yourself out." he caressed my cheek softly leaving a trail of warmth along my skin and he put a strand of hair behind my ear, he cleared his throat and continued talking, "Mac called me into his office long after everyone left, both Adam and Messer promised to get in contact with you to check that you were OK."

I felt completely shitty, guilt washed over me as it all dawned on me just how selfish I had been. I could feel the tears forming at the corners of my eyes, Don noticed and he wiped the tears with his thumb, "It's OK, sweetie. What matters is that you're back, you're here." he said soothingly.

I gave him a small smile and he looked at me expectantly, I gave him a small nod after I managed to control my shit. He gave his gorgeous half smile and nodded in understanding, "I was nervous when I walked into his office, I only felt like that once and that was 5 years ago when I began to lose control of my shit. This time my nerves were centered if you had quit because of me, my thoughts weren't in a good place at all."

He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, "he told me you left to Chicago for two weeks to visit your family. I was both relieved and confused, why all of a sudden? He didn't explain, but he knew that my feelings for you were more than a friend. He only told me it was only fair to let me know, taking it that I cared about you a great deal." He grabbed my hand and joined it with his giving it a gentle squeeze, "After he told me that, I sat down and I told him about my voicing my feelings for you and the reaction you had. How this was all my fault, but he told me not to regret my actions. He told me to give you time to think things through."

He turned his head toward me and I saw the dark circles he had under his eyes, he looked so tire+d. He squeezed my hand once more and he cleared his throat, "Danielle, I know I am a stubborn man and sometimes impatient, but with you it is different. I've had a little over a week to think about what happened and I don't regret telling you how I feel about you, you had to know and I was not about to ignore my feelings, when it was evident to the rest that I was crazy about you. But the pain in my chest while you were gone never subsided, and as the days passed it only grew. I know you might not be ready to hear it, but I love you, Danielle. You can push me away, refuse to hear me say it to you, but I love you and that will not change, if I have to spend forever trying to proof to you that my feelings for you are sincere, that my heart belongs to you, I will gladly do it." His blue eyes were looking at me with a new sense of purpose and determination, the honesty in his eyes. I smiled at him and he returned my smile with one of his own.

"I believe you," I said raising my hand to caress his cheek, he leaned into my touch and I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest, "but I needed to leave for me, it is selfish, I know. But I needed to do it. But I am not leaving, next time I go somewhere you're going with me, because it was hell being without you." He raised his head to look at me, he was surprised that I was voicing my feelings aloud, I smiled at him and yawned, "I know I still have a lot of ground to cover with you, but I am tired. I want to sleep."

He nodded and reluctantly released me, I stood up and stretched. He sighed and walked down the stairs. He thought I wanted him to leave, _hell__no_. I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward me, he looked at me confused and for the first time in over a week I laughed and I shook my head softly.

"When I said I wanted to sleep, I didn't mean it as your cue to leave, silly. Stay with me, please?" I asked putting my head down so he wouldn't see me blushing. When I heard his soft chuckle, I knew he had noticed which made my cheeks get more flushed.

He put his hand under my chin and raised it so I was looking at him, he had a smile on his face and his eyes were impossibly shiny, "I'll stay for as long as you want me." He said it softly looking at me seriously. I knew than that I wouldn't ever let go of him and I always wanted him to stay with me.

_Always_

I smiled and rested my head on his forehead, I wasn't sure what overcame me, but I had the sudden urge to kiss him. I pulled him closer to me making him go up those four steps that separated us. His hands immediately went on my waist, I grabbed the collar of his jacket and brought him closer to me wasting no time to take his lips against mine. He responded immediately which as much fervor as I was kissing him. I released the hold I had of his jacket and wrapped my arms around his neck. The kiss was pure bliss, I didn't know why I wasted my time in trying to deny my feelings for him when they were all the time, I just decided to be blind about them.

Don was the first to break our deep and intense kiss, his erratic breathing matched mine. He rested his head on my forehead with his eyes closed softly and had a shit eating grin on his face. When he opened his eyes and they focused on me, his grin turned into a full blown smile.

"I love you," he said softly.

I smiled and hoped that I could voice what I felt, but he knew. He kissed my forehead and lead me inside.

Once we were in my apartment, he closed the door and Don proceeded to open the windows. I went straight to my room and didn't bother changing into my pajamas. I snuggled into the sheets when I felt Don's arm settle in my waist and I sighed contently. I turned and settled on his chest.

"Don't leave me," I whispered at his shirt, but I knew he had heard me.

He didn't respond, I knew the answer to my claim, he would never leave me, even if I asked him to. He never would. He only tightened his grip on me and I fell into a dreamless stupor.

I jerked awake, one because I actually slept and two because I was not alone.

Before I could do anything, Don's arms pulled me to him, I rested my head on his chest. Letting out a breath, I wasn't aware I was holding.

"What happened?" he asked a while later, when I had calmed down.

I cleared my throat, "It sometimes happens. When I go days with little to no sleep, I sometimes fall into a deep sleep and sometimes I wake up scared, crying, or sudden looking at my surroundings only to realize I am in my apartment."

"I know it's hard information for you to share, but what happened to you all those years ago that have you on edge?" he asked softly.

I sighed and turned to face him, I knew than that I had to tell him, I was now or never.

I sat up and took off my sweater and shirt leaving on only my undershirt, letting him see my scars.

He looked at me for a moment before nodding at him. He looked at my scars, but did not touch them, something I was grateful for. He looked at me again and I brought my knees to my chin.

"I have more underneath," I said in a low monotonous voice.

He cursed under his breath and he looked at me, "Who did this to you?" he asked both shocked and angry.

"My ex-boyfriend, Raymond" I said turning away from Don and looking out the window. Letting the shadows of my God forsaken past engulf me.

"It's scary to know that he planned this. It took him six months to put it all together and when he completed his objective, he almost succeeded." I sighed grabbing the scrunchie and putting my hair up in a messy pony tail.

"I met him when I was 16 through a friend, they were cousins and he was visiting from Colorado. Long story short, the following summer he came back and my friend told me he was staying for good, we got reacquainted and just a month after his arrival he asked me to be his girlfriend."

I shifted my focus to my feet and continued on with the story, thankful that Don had not said a thing to me.

"We were together for three years and the last six months of our relationship were... difficult. He became increasingly agitated if I didn't answer his calls or made plans without notifying him. It was annoying and frustrating. When we were together, he was clingy. Always following me around the house, grabbing my hand, kissing my neck, it came to a point that I had to tell him to stop and leave me the hell alone. He got so pissed that he grabbed the vase where I had placed the flowers he had bought me threw it against the wall and he left but not before calling me a bitch."

I cracked my knuckles and turned toward Don but I didn't face him, I rested my head back on my knees and looked at the door, "I approached my mother and we talked, she helped me see that what was going on between him and I had taken a turn to 'Negative Lane', as she liked to call it. I no longer felt comfortable and safe with him. It put me on edge every time we were alone because I wasn't sure if he'd have one of his little fits or do something to hurt me.

"A week after our three year anniversary, I called him and told him to meet me at Millennium Park. He offered to come and pick me up, but I declined. To do this, I called one of his buddies, Steven and his girlfriend at the time, Lisa to take me. When I got there, I remember feeling nervous, uneasy, and tense. Lisa and Steven were a distance from me but they were still in view from where I would be in case they needed to calm Raymond down or prevent him from doing something stupid.

"Like raising his hand at you." he said, hearing him speak for the first time since I began talking startled me, but I managed to calm down and nod my head in agreement.

I cleared my throat, "Raymond arrived fifteen minutes later and he sat down, he looked mad. I recall telling him if he was alright, but he ignored my question and told me to tell him what I had to tell him and I did. Telling him that I was sick and tired of his shit was relieving. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I told him that I was done. Finished. He laughed, Don." I said finally looking at him.

"He laughed at me, but when he saw I was serious, his face changed from humor to one of pure rage. I took a moment to slide back and he grabbed me hard from my arm and yanked me back to him and began demanding to know if I was with another guy or creeping with someone behind his back. I swore to him, something I never did, up until that point that there was no one. That he was the reason I was ending this relationship. Because he had changed to this unknown man, who was angry and agitated and on edge all the time. That he wasn't the guy, I at one point fell in love with. He released my hand and this is where all hell broke loose. He scratched his head furiously and looked at me for a long moment, I took his silence and I told him to be honest with me, if in the last six months of our relationship had he been involved with someone I wasn't aware about, to explain his sudden change in behavior toward me. He slapped me. He didn't answer me, he slapped me. Steven and Lisa, were by my side in a flash, he began to call me names, insult me. I got furious as well, because he had dared raise his hand on me. I walked toward him and Steven and another bystander were holding me as he tried to yell at me that he loved me, I slapped him back with all the strength I had in me. I told him to go to hell. That day the little feelings that I had left in me dissipated.

I lowered my head and stared at my hands, "I remember wanting leave and cuddle with my brother. I wanted this fear that I had deep within my chest to go away. But, I wasn't so lucky. Taking into consideration that the idiot slapped me in public and he was struggling against Steven's and another guys hold. Less than ten minutes later an officer came, wanting to know what was the problem. I talked. Raymond was arrested. It only added fuel to the fire. He tried to lie to the cop, that it was all a misunderstanding. But upon the officer inspecting my cheek, he knew it was not a misunderstanding at all. We followed the officer to the Station and he took our statements. Upon seeing Steven take my side at the situation, he saw it as betrayal. Once we were done giving our statement and I had received an icepack for my bruised cheek we were free to go. It was than when Raymond made his threat. That I'd pay for this and that he would make sure I was with no one else. Because I was his and only his. To take care of my very own shadow because when I at least expected it, he would make me regret leaving him. The malice in his voice and the deep seeded hatred, chilled me to the bone.

"I talked to my mother that same night about what had happened, and we had all the locks and windows changed for the entire house and a new security system installed. My mother also came with me to place a restraining order against him and he wasn't made aware of what I had done until the judge notified him the day he was sentenced for hitting me, which pissed him off even more. The judge told him that he wasn't allowed to come near me at school, that they were informed of the incident and the staff had been asked to call police if he failed to cooperate, to stay as far away from my house as possible, more than 500 ft. and refrain from coming anywhere near me wherever he found me. Even in his sick, twisted mind he was thinking of ways to do just that, I wouldn't know until October.

"Life after Raymond was better. I was happier, completely focused on school and gaining my degree in both Criminal Justice and Psychology, participating in sports such as softball and basketball, and best of all my family and friends. But each time I was home for the weekend or the holidays, the constant uneasy feeling that I was been watched lingered. That is when the nightmares began to happen. I hid the worries from everyone else, but Mauricio, my brother. He has always known me better than I know myself. He was always there when I woke up scared shitless from my dreams. It wasn't until the dreams got overwhelming that I spoke to the campus counselor and than my mother. My mother was worried, but the counselor assured her it was the stress from the whole situation, they both tried to persuade me backwards and forwards to transfer out of state or move a couple of hours away from Chicago and finish school there, in any university I wanted, but I couldn't do it.

"Call me stubborn, thick headed, but I was right where I wanted and I didn't want to leave in order to keep my fears of a crazed Raymond stalking me at bay. I had to get over it and I did. I kept my regular visits with my counselor, Agatha Masterson. The dreams got better and I was finally enjoying the ease I felt. Of course the relief was short lived. I might have changed my phone number, being cautious to not be by myself for long, but it wasn't enough. He still found me.

I sighed and cleared my throat, I was about to continue when Don grabbed my hand and I averted my gaze to him, "you don't have to continue telling me if you don't want to. I don't want you to think you're obligated to do it."

I smiled and I squeezed his hand, "You're not obligating me to do anything. I want to. I need to tell you." I was surprised at the tone of my voice, I was almost begging, pleading with him.

He sighed and nodded reluctantly, I gave him a grateful smile and proceeded and mentally prepared myself to explain the rest. When I tried to release his hand, he only tightened his grip on my hand. I smiled at our joined hands and it somehow provided me with the courage I needed to continue.

"It was Friday evening," I began softly still looking at our hands, "I was on my way to pick up of my friends to go the library and meet with the other girls so that we could study for the upcoming midterms that were going to start in two weeks. But... I, I never made it to her dorm, someone, a male - came from behind me and put this cloth on my nose and mouth, the smell was strong, nauseating. I passed out.

I took a deep breath, "when I woke up my head was throbbing, Raymond was on top of me looking at me with a satisfied smirk spread across his mouth. I tried to move but it was than when I realized than while I was out he had tied my hands on a steel pole that was on the corner of the room. I tried to kick him out but it was than when he showed me he had a weapon: a knife. I froze, my eyes got big and he smiled again satisfied. He ran the knife across my body, three times before running the sharp edge in my arm, I screamed. He rejoiced. He began to ramble of how it was my fault for everything that was occurring. How I needed to be punished, I needed to pay for making him suffer. That he loved me, but he loved me enough to kill me. I don't think I'd ever been terrified as I was that night. But damn it, I fought. I fought with all my might. Each time I struggled, he'd stab me. Each time I insulted him, he'd either hit me, stab me or both. He raped me. I pleaded with him, but he didn't listen to my pleas. He shredded my clothes with the knife and as he had his way with me he ran the knife from my side to my belly button. He did the same to my right side only that this side looks worse because I managed to kick the knife out of his hand and push him off me. It only served to piss him off more, he slapped me and ran the knife three time at my right side, with such rage for a moment I thought he was going to finish me off.

"In that moment, it was what I wanted, for Raymond to kill me and throw me on the river or burn me. He was disfiguring me. He was marking me for life, providing me with this scars so I never forgot what he did to me. A morbid souvenir to remember him by. I managed to free my hands from the rope he had tied them in, and when he was going to stab me again I punched him. The surge of adrenaline that ran through my body provided me to crawl away giving my state. I almost made it to the stairs, when Raymond caught up with me and grabbed me by the leg and pulled me back, he stabbed me again. I had never yelled and cursed someone so much as I cursed Raymond that night. At one point as he stabbed me, I cried out and blacked out from my stab wounds.

"When I woke up, I was alone. He was gone. I dragged myself and retrieved my clothes and I practically felt my life leaving me. I managed to dial 911 telling them that I had been stabbed multiple times by my ex-boyfriend and that he left me for dead at an abandoned building. I was unconscious before I heard a response.

"I woke up 3 days later and the first thing I saw was Mauricio beside me. I remember grabbing his hand and he startled awake, he looked at me for a moment and I smiled at him. He smiled at me and tears welled up at his eyes, he kissed me at the forehead before he called my mother and brought the doctor. My mother was crying happily telling me that I was lucky. I didn't understand that at the moment, I was stabbed God knows how many times and I was lucky? I was confused. The doctor walked in a few minutes later and when I saw that the doctor was a male, I begged him not to touch me. He tried to get me to calm down and relaxed, but I recoiled from his grasp. I told him to please leave bring another doctor, female. He sighed and nodded. I didn't relax until he left, my brother began to cry, telling me he was going to make Raymond regret ever been born. He reached for my hand carefully and he smiled when I didn't recoil from his touch or worse yelled.

"The new doctor, Mary Taylor, walked in fifteen minutes later with a nurse who proceeded to mend my wounds. I remember asking the doctor what exactly had happened, she hesitated for a moment before telling me that I was stabbed multiple times with a sharp object, which I stated that it was a knife. She told me that when they found me I was in and out of consciousness, telling the paramedics that you didn't want to die. That he was going to win. That he was going to win. You repeated the same phrase one more time before you were unconscious. The paramedics didn't think you were going to make it, you had lost way too much blood and they were baffled that you even talked to them. When you got here we were able to identify you, thanks to your phone and we pulled your records to give you blood. In the process of mending your wounds and getting set up to give you blood, you flat lined.

"She told me that I was a warrior with a strength that was unmistakable. She was baffled why would someone want to hurt me the way that I was hurt, I had a total of 20 stab wounds, some were deeper than others and very few were going to disappear with time. I was filled with three bags of blood. Which was shocking. The other injuries I had were minor stab wounds, which were sadly going to also scar and some would be faint, they were on several parts of my body. She told me I was lucky to be alive, losing the amount of blood I lost, I should have more or less died.

I finally looked at Don and he looked like he was going to cry, his eyes were shiny. He wrapped his arms around me tightly and securely. I immediately wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my head at his chest. We were like that for what seemed like a long time, but really only five minutes had passed.

He settled me at his lap with his arms wrapped around me and my head resting at the comforts of his chest, "He ruined my life. Plain and simple. I fucking hated him for it. I still do. My hell began when I woke up from the deep sleep I was in. He severed my social life, he disfigured me, he fucked up my piece of mind. The week I was in the hospital, each time a male nurse walked in I'd cry or I'd whimper or I'd scream. That was clearly something that was not gonna go away on its own. Dr. Taylor deduced that it was for the trauma I'd gone through and basically in short, each time a male was present my subconscious would trigger my panic attack as a defense mechanism to keep them away. Because I believe they were going to hurt me; pretty much a touch or presence I would believe it was Raymond and all hell would break loose.

"The detectives in charge of this investigation came back the next day after I woke up, I knew that they were expected to come since they were running an investigation for my attempted murder. When the two detectives came in my room, I was glad one of the detectives was female but I immediately felt uneasy when I saw the male detective next to his partner. They introduced themselves, his name was Albert Greene and her name was Angela Santos. I told them both that I would cooperate, but in order to talk and keep from having a panic attack or nervous breakdown, that I needed Detective Greene to step out. Aware that I was battling from crying or screaming he nodded once and left. Once he was gone I immediately relaxed and told everything to Santos in bone-chilling detail. When she asked me who would be capable of doing this, I gave her his entire name and home address. Told me that they were going to catch this guy and convict him to the full extent of the law.

"They caught him six days after I came out of the hospital. I was home watching movies with my brother when I received the call. It should have been the happiest day of my life, but it wasn't. I began crying, knowing that I was going to have to face him again... but it had to be done. I had to swallow my fear, because he wasn't going to hurt me, he was going to be convicted for trying to kill me. The trial was set for the 16th of November and I knew that I had to be strong enough to look at him in the eye while I saw his life end, in a metaphoric sense.

I was home for the rest of the year, while I 'healed.' I refused to see any of my friends and I didn't go out at all. My trial and my accident is in the internet, I just didn't want to be questioned by anyone, not even my friends who wanted answers. I didn't want anyone to look at me. I wanted to be as invisible as possible. I was angry that everyone knew what happened to me and that people in the area where all of a sudden supporters of me. I should have been glad, grateful. But I wanted to spit in their faces and curse them. They had no idea the nightmare I was living on. They didn't have to carry these scars. They had normal lives. Mine was far from normal."

I sighed, "I prepared for the trial with the help of my psychologist, Alice Blake. She helped me become comfortable with the idea of been in a court room surrounded by a lot of people. She had a unique strategy, she took me to the courtroom and over a period of two weeks she kept bringing people in to the room until it was full, I remember been glad that I was comfortable in a room full of people and knowing that the majority of them would be at the trial."

"How were you on the days leading to the trial?" he asked curiously.

"I didn't sleep." I stated simply, "I had my mother and brother worried that I might have a collapse. You see, as the day of the trial got close each time I closed I relieved that God forsaken day. Each dream was bloodier than the next. In one he actually completed his objective, he had killed me. I began dreading sleep. My body screamed for rest, but I refused to sleep.

"The trial date came and I was edgy. I wanted just to get it over with. I wish I could tell you what happened but try going two weeks with little to no sleep everything escapes you. It's like time goes by fast, I was surprised I managed to keep focused and answer their questions. I found this out by my brother, who told me I was detached from the situation. I answered everything I was asked and I even stood up and went straight to where Raymond was sitting and I yelled at him, if he was proud, if he was happy that he had scarred me. If he enjoyed every minute of it, each time he stabbed, when he raped me, if he relieved it every night. My brother told me I lost it when Raymond would not look at my eyes and I yelled at him to look at me three times, calling him a fucking coward and when he did my brother told me he was in the verge of tears. My knuckles were bruised from hitting the desk with each time I told him to look at me.

"Alice grabbed me and sat me down, Mauricio told me that I began sobbing. There were no further questions, the trial after an hour and forty-five minutes ended and the jury didn't take long to deliver a guilty verdict. He was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility for parole. His family was devastated for the decision, but the jurors and the judge agreed that there was no harsher punishment than the one Raymond was given.

"When we arrived home I fell asleep, my first dreamless sleep in two weeks. I was able to finally rest, but sometimes even now the dreams come back and I relive that night. After that, you know I tried to be as normal as possible, but I had a hard time. But I still finished school. Than I went to the academy determined to graduate and not let what happened define me. I worked harder than anyone else there, I was up before anyone else doing the assigned drills, just working my ass off. I was OK to anyone who saw me working, but I wasn't."

"What do you mean?" he asked

"It was when I had nothing to do that I was a wreck. That I was not OK at all. I was restless, I was running on little to no sleep. When I finally managed to get a decent nights sleep, I had a nightmare. It was a vicious circle I kept dealing with for a long time. Until I was forced to go back into therapy, it was after I began with the shrink that I was able to relax and achieve a little of my inner peace that I had lost all that time ago. One thing is certain, I might always feel uneasy when a guy gets a little too close to me, but I am fine now. A little normal.

I closed my eyes and focused on the sound of his heart beat, all this talking on my end was taking its toll on me - I was tired. He tightened his hold on me, he cleared his throat and I opened my eyes to look at him.

"You're not crazy, sweetheart." he stated simply ignoring my scoff, "you went through something horrendous. Those scars you have tell a story, but they do not change who you are. How I see you. Dani, you're beautiful. Those scars mean nothing to me and if I could, if there was a way. I would do anything in my power to take those scars away from you and take all that has happened away, but I can't do that. What I can do is be here for you now and always. Protect you. Keep you away from any danger you might yourself in. Keep those monsters of your past locked away. I am glad you trusted me enough to open yourself to me and tell me your story."

I smiled, "Of course. I trust you. Ever since I met you, there was something about you that was different than any person I've ever met."

He pulled away slightly and looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "What are ya talkin' about, hon?"

I laughed softly, "I normally tend to keep new male colleagues at a distance so I can be in my comfort zone and as I get to know them and become comfortable I might get close, but with you... all it took was a handshake. I was rewarded with warmth and a sense of protection that I had never felt. I knew that with you I could be safe."

"And yet, you still wanted to push me away." he said playfully.

I laughed and nodded, "Yes. I did. Because I was both scared and shocked. Shocked because I was comfortable with you, I could be myself around you and the others as well. Scared because I didn't want it to be in my head. I didn't want to freak out on you and startle you. It never happened, which is something I am grateful for. You have always been there for me even when I wanted you as far away as possible. But you were always there. Always. I admit doing that was selfish of me, but I was also struggling with the news that shed light to everything, I was developing feelings for you. You went to been my partner, to friend, to someone I was crushing on."

"When did you realize that you had feelings for me?" he asked curiously.

I sighed, "Could be that I developed feelings maybe when we met, but what did it was back in September, when I stood up to Ana and told part of my past her and all of you. I broke down afterward and you just held me as I cried my eyes out, whispering sweet nothings to comfort me. It was the sweetest thing anyone had done for me. Even after I calmed down you drove me home and you stayed there with me because I didn't want to be alone. It was then that I realized, that I was crazy about my partner." I smiled, blushing a little.

He chuckled, "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetie. I denied I had feelings for you for a while. It wasn't until that day precisely that Messer called me out on it. After that I stopped denying it and admitted to myself."

"What a stubborn pair we are." I joked, looking at him smiling.

He rolled his eyes and chuckled, "indeed." he agreed.

I felt complete with him, whole. It was stupid to run away when he was my home. When I was with him I was where I was supposed to be, nothing else mattered. Nothing else existed. He made me feel beautiful, loved, protected. He loved me, after all that I put him through he still loved me. He still chose me. My heart swelled.

I looked at him still smiling, "I love you, Don." I told him simply.

His eyes got wide but his smile grew, "say it again." he said softly his arms tightening around me.

"I love you. I love you. I love you." emphasizing each phrase with a kiss in the cheek.

He smiled and caressed my cheek, "I love you, honey."

When his lips met mine again, I knew that I was his as much as he was mine. We belonged together and completed each other in ways that we could not explain. Our story was not finished, but barely starting. We still had a long way to go, but I knew that as long as we were together we could overcome anything set in our way.


End file.
